This one won't last

The languages I don't know and the languages I don't speak. The languages that hurt my throat and make me mute with sound. The languages I write down but my hands still shake. The languages that make my head spin or leave a white noise in my mind.

Sometimes I wonder how much longer will it take me to abandon the written words. I can clearly see and trace one and hundred more problems I have with them. I see every stumble, every hesitation and still I come back and try to establish myself a place to write as freely as I think. The stories that crowd my head and cloud my thoughts might never find their way onto the real paper or into the computer file but they still shape me somehow. I just wish I could share them.